As the race for the democratic nomination drags on even though the math clearly shows that Hillary Clinton has a bigger chance of getting hit in the head by a meteor than she does in winning the nomination (and as fun as that sounds, it’s just not going to happen) one thing is clear: the so-called “MSM” (I was disappointed to discover that it stands for “Main Stream Media,” and not “Macho Sado-Masochists,” as I had excitedly hoped) is horribly biased.

The media is not biased towards the left or the right, women or men, blacks or whites as so many have supposed, the media is biased toward one thing and one thing only:

We have got to keep this election soap opera running, because it’s worth good ad money.

So now that I’m blogging here on CNN and you can make the case that I’m part of the “Main Stream Media Vast Soap Opera Conspiracy,” I want to do my part in helping everyone to pretend that the contest isn’t over by expanding the scope of the contest.

That’s right people, it’s time for a First Lady Smackdown. Given all the excitement of Cindy McCain’s “Recipegate,” I am proposing the following:

Cathryn Michon’s First Lady Winner-Takes-All Cook-Off!

Whichever First Lady candidate whomps up the best home cooking wins a free four-year trip to the White House for her and her hubby. Period.

Just to set out the (completely unfair) ground rules, let me say this:

I know Bill Clinton is a man, but the job has always been “First Lady” and I see no reason to change that. For years in English classes I was told that male pronouns such as “he” or “him” can be considered gender neutral to avoid the awkward construction of having to write sentences like, “He or she should never lie under oath.”

Also, I know it seems like I’m changing the rules of the election midstream by saying the whole thing should be decided by a First Lady Cook-Off rather than the electoral college, but surely First Lady candidate Bill Clinton won’t mind that, since that’s what Hillary Clinton is proposing doing with Michigan and Florida.

Changing the rules is fun!

Now I know that First Lady hopeful Cindy McCain had that embarrassing gaffe where some stupid little intern (completely without Cindy’s knowledge!) posted recipes on the McCain Web site she just flat-out stole off the Food Channel.

When they show up at my contest, I bet First Lady wannabes Cindy and Bill will both have a good laugh at what useless idiots interns can be. You sure get what you pay for with free interns!

You see, I’m a uniter, not a divider.

Furthermore, my First Lady Cook Off will finally settle the question as to whether or not these Ivy League Obamas with their high-falutin-uppity-latte-sipping ways can act like true Americans that are actually proud of their country and cook and eat something, anything, that blue collar America can relate to.

If Michelle Obama can get off her high horse and whip up an artery clogging mac and cheese, it will go a long way toward answering the crucial question of the Obama campaign:

Are the Obama’s even tacky enough to be First Lady and President of the United States, or should they just go off and try and run France or some other snooty stuck up country?

Of course, the best thing about my First Lady Cook-Off is this:

Whichever of these lovely and talented gals manages to prepare the most scrumptious original recipe will know that her better half will be the leader of the free world and will have access to the CIA, the NSA, the Secret Service and the FBI. From the time they move into the White House, this new First Lady will be watched by the President’s unquestionably loyal monitoring network every living second of every 24-hour day. These First Ladies will be protected and observed and will have not a single private moment or clandestine conversation ever again.

Now why is First Lady hopeful Bill Clinton grabbing her mixing bowls and running away? Bill? Bill?