As the race for the democratic nomination drags on even though the math clearly shows that Hillary Clinton has a bigger chance of getting hit in the head by a meteor than she does in winning the nomination (and as fun as that sounds, it’s just not going to happen) one thing is clear: the so-called “MSM” (I was disappointed to discover that it stands for “Main Stream Media,” and not “Macho Sado-Masochists,” as I had excitedly hoped) is horribly biased.

The media is not biased towards the left or the right, women or men, blacks or whites as so many have supposed, the media is biased toward one thing and one thing only:

We have got to keep this election soap opera running, because it’s worth good ad money.

So now that I’m blogging here on CNN and you can make the case that I’m part of the “Main Stream Media Vast Soap Opera Conspiracy,” I want to do my part in helping everyone to pretend that the contest isn’t over by expanding the scope of the contest.

That’s right people, it’s time for a First Lady Smackdown. Given all the excitement of Cindy McCain’s “Recipegate,” I am proposing the following:

Cathryn Michon’s First Lady Winner-Takes-All Cook-Off! Read the rest of this entry »

As someone who cares deeply about the Democratic party and is tired of the almost 20 years of “shirts and skins” style ruthless attack politics between parties let me just say this:

Man, do the Republicans love Hillary!

And really, who would have thought it? It’s just a testament to what a marvelous, likeable, non-divisive, inspirational, diplomatic creature she is.

What she has been able to accomplish in terms of bridging the gulf of hatred between Democrats and Republicans is nothing short of miraculous.

Why, even her supposed opponent John McCain said to supporters recently that he thinks Hillary may “pull this nomination off yet.”

It’s like, he’s actually cheering for her!

Republicans used to despise her, and her husband, and yet now she counts among her supporters and active campaigners such right-wing stalwarts as Rush Limbaugh and Ann Coulter. Limbaugh has been working tirelessly to get her this nomination. Most people don’t even know this, but her husband appeared on Limbaugh’s show on the eve of the Texas Primary. Bill Clinton actually chatted with the man who referred to his daughter Chelsea as, “the White House Dog” and encouraged Limbaugh’s listeners (who often vote Republican, in case you didn’t know) to vote for Hillary.

Isn’t it amazing the way her loving personality and hopeful demeanor is bringing together the normally fractious Republicans and Democrats? Why, some Republicans are even willing to vote for her in this hotly contested primary contest.

Hillary is like Gandhi, with better outfits! Read the rest of this entry »

Hillary Clinton has many fine qualities but being fascinating has never been one of them. Now, in an attempt to divert everyone’s attention from the simple mathematical fact that she cannot be elected to be the Democratic party nominee (while she frantically raises money so she can pay the more than $8 million she owes increasingly outspoken vendors without seeming like she is just duping her supporters into paying off her poorly managed campaign spending) she is trying to “cast” herself in a more heroic role than the one she currently occupies.

In the glorious Clintonian past, Bill was dubbed “the comeback kid” because of his ability to recover from seeming defeat. Hillary, on the other hand, could be dubbed “the make-a-wish-kid.” Everyone gets that she’s terminal and since we feel sorry for her we allow her to pretend that she will one day be the President.

Almost every day, the Clinton Campaign comes up with a new story for us to pretend that Hillary is starring in, so we don’t notice that she’s actually starring in “Apocolypse Now” as she trashes the Democratic Party in one never-ending firefight. Read the rest of this entry »

I’m no economist, though as a comedian (like Sinbad, but not as successful or funny) I have certainly dodged my share of Bosnian sniper fire (what! Find the YouTube video that proves I’m a big fat liar on that one!)

However, I’m not going to allow my lack of so-called “economic credentials” prevent me from saving our nation’s economy from the current (pick the economic cliché of your choice):

1. malaise
2. crisis
3. flaming death spiral.

I have a theory, and, like most great economic theories, it’s vague, and yet seems oddly true. I call it the “Cathryn Michon Presidential Hotness Theorem” and it can be summed up very simply:

The Hotter the President, the Hotter the Economy.

I can’t wait for all the ill-informed hate mail I’m going to get from those pompous allegedly learned University-type economists who rely on their same old tired facts and figures saying that my obviously brilliant theorem is somehow “empirically unprovable” or “really frigging stupid.” Read the rest of this entry »

My long-suffering feminist women friends (just ask them, they’ll tell you about their suffering, but you might want to grab a beverage first) ask me how, as a self-described feminist, I can possibly be supporting Barack Obama (a self-described man) to which I reply, “have you seen the guy in swim trunks?”

Kidding.

Look, I don’t feel guilty about supporting Obama: I don’t think being a feminist means voting for someone just because they have a uterus. Being a feminist means I’m not against someone for having a uterus.

I expect whoever gets my vote to show up with more than a uterus, that’s for sure. I’ve got one of my own; I don’t need Hillary’s.

But I have gotten so mad at Hillary’s truth challenged behavior lately that a friend challenged me to say some positive things about Hillary Clinton. So here goes:

8 SIMPLE THINGS I LIKE ABOUT HILLARY CLINTON

1. She Has High Self-Esteem

   Anybody who can claim an election victory in a state where no one else’s name was on the ballot has got the kind of plucky high self-esteem that you normally only see in really confident leaders like Stalin, or Saddam Hussein, who also liked to run uncontested and then claim victory. Read the rest of this entry »

I like money.

I think most people like money, even people like me who are socially liberal and who tend to (but don’t always) vote Democratic.

People who say they think money is bad are either a. lying, or b. broke.

So when Hillary Clinton asks a guy (the rather unfortunately named Tom Buffenberger who, one imagines, has spent a lifetime being called names) to introduce her with a name-calling screed-labeling Obama supporters (like me) a bunch of “latte-drinking, Prius-driving, Birkenstock-wearing, trust-fund babies,” my response is: Read the rest of this entry »